


When Darkness Comes to Light

by Datawolf39



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Dark Thoughts, Disney References, Everyone helps, I also have wanted to write an H/C fic for him for a while, I really do love Roman, Nothing too bad but just felt it should be warned of, Prinxiety - sort of, Really it's just Virgil comforting Roman, Slight Panic Attack, can easily be seen as platonic, roman is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:16:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Datawolf39/pseuds/Datawolf39
Summary: Roman is feeling useless, the others find out, and do their best to make up for not intervening quicker.





	When Darkness Comes to Light

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the tags.  
> This was brought on by the newest vid (the Crofters one), I just couldn't help thinking about what Roman was going through.

Roman wasn’t feeling like his normal, exuberant, princely self, and it seemed that the others were beginning to see it. No longer would a clever joke or silly pun, avert their gaze from him, and he was beginning to worry that the others would start to question him, and for some reason he found the idea horrifying.

He knew that he had to come up with a way to cope, well a new way, since his normal methods were becoming ineffective, to keep the others unaware that the behavior that he displayed for the public eye was a mask to shield the fragile parts of himself that were wounded every time one of them called him stupid or gave his ideas needlessly harsh criticism. 

The truth was that he didn’t want pity or comfort, and more importantly, that even if he had, he didn’t deserve it, because when they called him stupid they were right. He was mentally inferior to the others, and he knew it. When they shot down his ideas, they were justified, because most of them were just plain stupid, just like him.

He wasn’t going to let this affect anyone else though, he was a prince, a protector, and he was going to solve this problem himself. That was easier said than done, however. He groaned as he tossed out another idea, at this rate he was just going to have to disappear for a while if he wanted to hide how much things were getting to him.

He started to hyperventilate when he realized what he had just thought. He wasn’t going to do it, but the fact that it had even entered his mind as a solution is what scared him, because while he might not do it, he certainly wanted to. Tears poured down his face when he realized that he was selfish enough to abandon the others, to abandon Thomas just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his problems.

A darker thought suddenly emerged in his mind, that had him panicking even more, if he were to leave, would it even matter? When Virgil had left, the affect on Thomas was instant, and though he didn’t want to admit it at the time, terrifying. He didn’t matter that much, and he wasn’t even doing his job well, he could probably be replaced somehow, with a newer version of creativity, a better version.

A chill seemed to permeate the room, and to combat it, Roman created a hoodie,pulling the hood up, in the vain hope that it would somehow make the chill go away. He sized it so large so that it engulfed him, and suddenly he understood why Virgil wore a hoodie all year around. It was an excellent security blanket. He huddled into the fabric, pulling the sleeves over his hands, almost unconsciously, moved one hand over his face, and nibbled on the sleeve.

With that he curled into a ball on his bed, like a kitten, and slept.

Thus began his routine, after filming or whatever else was on the agenda for the day, he would escape to his room, locked the door, because he would be utterly mortified if one of the others burst in and saw him swimming in the overly large, black hoodie, decorated with the logos they had created for themselves, and huddle into his security blanket. 

It worked for a long time, he was able to keep his mask up in front of the others, and keep his secret a secret, that was until he got a sudden summon from Thomas, and it wouldn’t have been a problem, he actually like sudden summons most of the time, and this time wouldn’t have been any different if he wasn’t wearing his hoodie.

The others stared at him in shock, and he could practically hear them teasing him, and laughing, It was all too much, before he could manage to sink out, he fell to the floor, and began to sob.

 

The others were not blind to the changes in the creative side. His flamboyancy had been lacking, and he was far more subdued. They had simply though that he would come to them, when he was ready. That was a mistake, they realized the night that they heard him sobbing in his room.

The next day though, he seemed better if not a little muted, and thus they made another error. They thought it was a one off thing. That a release of pent up emotion had relived all that had been troubling him.

They found out they were wrong when Roman started spending all the time that he wasn’t helping Thomas, in his room. Even when he was out, he seemed a little, more jittery than normal, as though he was in some sort of withdrawal.

They realized it was time to address things when, Roman elected to go to his room, over spending an evening with them watching a Disney movie marathon.

The next day they talked to Thomas, and he has admitted to sensing that something was off, but thought, as they did, that the issue had been resolved. They were all highly concerned now, and Thomas summoned Roman so that they could talk.

The Roman that appeared before them, was not what they had anticipated. The prince was lacking his royal ensemble, and had on a overly large black hoodie. The only spots of color were the logos scattered over it, beneath the hoodie, they could see his Christmas sweater peeking out near the collar of the garment. He was barefoot, and his legs were covered by black sweatpants.

Everyone froze, not knowing what to think, and suddenly the tableau was broken, as Roman collapsed to the ground, sobbing so hard that his breathing became choked and irregular. 

Nobody knew what to do, this was not a situation that they had foreseen, and their hearts were breaking as they realized that this wasn’t a new pain Roman was expressing, it had been there for a long time, and none of them had noticed how bad it was.

Virgil was the first to move, standing from his spot, and moving over to Roman. He knelt beside him, reaching for one of the prince’s hands, and moved the limb upwards, until the fabric over it touched Roman’s face. Without thinking, habit kicked in, and Roman began to nibble on the sleeve.

Virgil had never been the one to comfort another, and he normally avoided physical contact, but something made him reach out and pull Roman, who was still crying, although the heart-wrenching sobs had thankfully ceased, up. He managed to get him over to the steps, and seated himself on landing against the wall, pulling Roman down as he did. He arranged them so that he was sitting facing the others, and Roman was bracketed by his legs, with his head resting against his purple and black hoodie. Roman’s legs were bent, since the landing wasn’t that big, but he didn’t seem to mind, he simply curled up, and settled. They could tell he was still crying, but he seemed far calmer than he had a few minutes ago.

It took a few minutes, that felt more like an eternity for all parties, but eventually, Roman seemed to cry himself out, and drift into slumber. 

“Guys I think we messed up, really bad,” Thomas whispered.

The others nodded, eyes not leaving Roman. They hadn’t always gotten along, but since Virgil had been welcomed, they knew that they had each other or at least all of them thought they all knew that.

“He never, he was always just so him that…” Logan trailed off, unable to articulate what he was thinking.

The others understood though. Roman had just always seemed like he would never be one to lose himself this way. He was always so flashy, he had always been, that was his thing.

“What are we going to do?” Patton asked, devoid of his normal exuberance. He was clearly worried, just as they were, and the rare serious side of him emerged as a result.

“The only thing we can do. We let him know that we are here, that we care about him, and let him know that he can show when he’s not happy, that he can come to us when he isn’t okay, and we won’t mock him for it.” Logan said softly.

The others nodded.

 

When Roman woke up he was met with the sight of purple and black. Pulling away, he blushed, Virgil was holding him, so everything else, his breakdown, them seeing him dressed in his comfort attire, had all happened.

“Evening, Sleeping Beauty,” Virgil teased gently. 

“Evening!” Roman said with panic clear in his voice. He had lost the whole day to a stupid unnecessary breakdown, he really was useless. 

Virgil knew from experience, that breakdowns often summoned dark thoughts, and pulled Roman back against himself in an effort to stop the prince’s chain of thought. “Stop right there, I know what you’re thinking, stop thinking it. Calm down. We need to talk to you about this.”

That made him stiffen with fear.

Virgil took a breath, they had all contributed to this, and they were going to fix it. “You haven’t done anything wrong-” he started.

“Today,” Roman said, and then he winced like he hadn’t meant to say anything.

“Stop that,” Virgil said a little harsher than he meant to. 

“We want to apologize,” Logan said.

Roman moved around until he faced the logical side. 

Logan couldn’t help feeling terrible when he saw Roman’s face. The tears had dried, but it was still evident that he had been crying. “Yes apologize, we all noticed that something wasn’t right, but instead of saying anything or doing anything, we ignored it.”

“We’re sorry kiddo, we weren’t there when you needed us, we heard you that night, and we didn’t do anything, you had to suffer alone for so long, because we didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t want you to notice,” Roman said quietly. He couldn’t let them take the blame for something that wasn’t their fault.

Thomas walked over to Roman, and the royal refused to meet his eyes. 

“Roman, please let us help.”

Those word were like a key to his locked box of secrets, and suddenly everything spilled forth. “I hate that I can’t do my job right. “ he said and he closed his eyes, If he was going to admit to his flaws, he wasn’t going to watch their expressions as he did, there was only so much that he could take. The arms around his squeezed gently, and somehow gave him the courage to continue speaking. “I hate knowing that everyone is right when they call me stupid and dumb because I am. I’m hypocritical and so very selfish. I talk big and puff myself up, but it’s an act, I’m not strong. I let the words get to me, and then pretend like they don’t matter, because I was doing the same thing to Virgil, saying mean things, so I have no right to be affected by the insults especially because they are true in my case. That night I thought about what it would be like to just disappear, and how it wouldn’t matter because I can’t do my job right anyway. I thought about how I could be replaced, and how everyone would be better off because I just screw everything up. But I don’t want to disappear! I don’t want to be replaced, so I hid everything, and made this,” he pulled at his oversized hoodie. “At least I figured out why Virgil likes his hoodie so much,” he tried to joke.

“Don’t you dare,” Virgil hissed. Roman looked at him unable to stop himself. “Don’t try to joke, and pretend like everything you said doesn’t matter; like you don’t matter. Yeah we annoy each other, we are literally different parts the same personality, conflict is going to happen, it’s what we do, but this is not okay. You’re not useless. You are smart in the way you are meant to be. You see patterns in the abstract, you are the dreamer, but that’s what the rest of us are here for, to help Thomas see what’s pure fantasy, and what’s purely a fantastic goal.”

“But I-”

“All of us have made mistakes Roman-”

“Infinitesimal,” Patton interjected with a slight smile.

Logan ignored the jab as best he could, pulling at his tie self-consciously, but was a bit satisfied to note the small smile that appeared on Roman’s face. “As I was saying, mistakes are impossible to avoid, but we learn from them, and thus can make better choices. You are good at what you do, perhaps we should express that more often so that you will not be consumed by the memories of ideas we have criticized in a more negative light. ”

“And for the record Roman, I would never want to replace you, even if that were possible, no replacement would be you.” Thomas said.

Roman seemed frozen.

“Come on, say something, Anna.”

Roman looked at him quizzically, and Virgil shrugged. “She was the one that ended up frozen at the end of the movie.”

“Are you simply going to keep calling me various princess names.”

“If they suit the situation, probably.”

“I’m a prince you know,” Roman said, it was a pale imitation of his usual haughty tone, but it was nice to hear even a hint of it.

“How can I help if your beloved Disney makes better princesses than princes.”

Roman had to admit defeat, because Virgil was right. Princesses seemed to be more fleshed out than princes on average. A lot of the early ones didn’t even get named in the movie.

“If I’m a princess what does that make you?”

“The witty, pessimistic, companion,” Virgil answered.

“Patton?”

“The exuberant best friend.”

“Logan?”

“Either the royal tutor or a not so evil step sibling, and before you ask, Thomas is the magical person that makes all the dreams come true, since we literally would not exist without him.”

Roman pouted. “What about my prince. If I’m assigned the role of princess, where is my charming handsome prince?”

“You’re a strong independent princess, you don’t need a prince.”

“What is a fairytale without romance!” he exclaimed.

“Brave,” they all answered together.

“But I want a handsome prince,” Roman pouted.

Virgil rolled his eyes, and snapped his fingers. Instantly a plush knight in shining amour appeared. 

Roman seemed to still as his eyes took in the toy. For a moment Virgil feared he had made a mistake, but then Roman took the toy from him, and cuddled it like a kid would a teddy bear.

“It’s been a long time since someone conjured something for me,” Roman whispered.

The sides rarely conjured things for one another, seeing as in the mindscape they were more than capable of conjuring whatever they wanted. Outside of holidays they really had no need to conjure things for one another. 

Patton walked over with plush he had conjured. “Every knight needs a noble steed.” the plush horse was white with a saddle that perfectly held the plush knight. It was also clear where Patton had taken inspiration from since the horse looked a lot like Max from Tangled.

Logan walked over, carrying a hardcover book with the image of the plush knight and his horse on the cover. “Every hero needs a story.” he tried to hand it to Roman, but he didn’t reach for it.

For a moment, the logical side saw it as a rejection, but then Roman spoke. “Read it to me?” 

“Very well,” Logan acquiesced, let’s move over to the couch though, since there is more room there.”

Roman seemed reluctant to move. 

“Come on kiddo, it will be more comfortable to cuddle on the sofa.”

Roman blushed, but made no move to deny that, that was the reason for his hesitation.

Soon they were on the couch, Roman had his head in Virgil’s lap, and his legs tossed over Patton. Thomas was next to Logan so that he could provide voices for the characters, and Logan could narrate.

By the time the story reached it’s happy ending, Roman was asleep once more. The sides, and Thomas gazed at one another, knowing that this was far from over, but now that they knew what was troubling Roman they would help in anyway that they could.


End file.
